Biblical Humour

Religion altars the mind. - Tony Follari

I am an atheist... thank God. - Dave Allen

Woman was God's second mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Cantaloupe: Got to get married in Church - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Directly after God in heaven comes a Papa. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Black holes are where God divided by zero. - Steven Wright

God will forgive me. That's his business. - Heinrich Heine

God forgives those who invent what they need. - Lillian Hellman

If God is dead then everything is justifiable. - Fyodor Dostoevsky

God heales, and the Physitian hath the thankes. - George Herbert

Love beauty; it is the shadow of God on the universe. - Gabriela Mistral

If God can work through me, he can work through anyone. - Saint Francis of Assisi

God, it seems, is a verb, not a noun, proper or improper. - R Buckminster Fuller

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. - Voltaire

If you aren't hungry for God, you are full of yourself. - Mark Batterson

Praise is the only gift for which people are really grateful. - Marguerite

Prayer is the inheritance we receive and the legacy we leave. - Mark Batterson

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. - Unknown

I am inclined to believe that this is the land God gave to Cain. - Jacques Cartier

God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him. - Jim Elliot

Silence is the language of God; it is also the language of the heart. - Sivananda

I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose. - Clarence Darrow

The belly is the reason why man does not so readily take himself for a god. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Whatever happens, abide steadfast in a determination to cling simply to God. - Francis de Sales

God gets you to the plate, but once you're there you're on your own. - Ted Williams

But from this earth, this grave, this dust, my God shall raise me up, I trust. - Walter Raleigh

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. - Matthew 21:22

There's no better book with which to defend the Bible than the Bible itself. - Dwight L. Moody

A sense of humor, properly developed, is superior to any religion so far devised. - Tom Robbins

I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon. - Phillip Pullman

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children. - Unknown

If you want to be successful, just meditate, man. God will tell you what people need. - Carlos Santana

I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed. - Vincent Van Gogh

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden. - Corrie ten Boom

And God took a handful of southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse. - Bedouin Legend

On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world. - John Mayer

A man must be orthodox upon most things or he will never have time to preach his own heresy. - G K Chesterton

Music is an agreeable harmony for the honor of God and the permissible delights of the soul. - Johann Sebastian Bach

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

Faith is the centerpiece of a connected life. It allows us to live by the grace of invisible strands. - Terry T Williams

You must ask for God's help. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. - C S Lewis

I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah

God loves us too much to leave us alone to contend with the pain, guilt and loneliness of our present life. - Josh McDowell

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

I always tole God, "I'm gwine to hole stiddy on you, an' you've got to see me through." - Harriet Tubman

God's blessings are dispensed according to the riches of his grace, not according to the depth of our faith. - Max Lucado

God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain. - C S Lewis

God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promise, however, to change the way we look at them. - Max Lucado

Human history is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy. - C S Lewis

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson

So long as men praise you, you can only be sure that you are not yet on your own true path but on someone else's. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

To allow God to be God we must follow him for who he is and what he intends, and not for what we want or what we prefer. - Ravi Zacharias

None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith. - Paulo Coelho

We are fashioned by God to be thinking and emotional creatures. The emotions should follow reason, and not the other way around. - Ravi Zacharias

Faith allows things to happen. It is the power that comes from a fearless heart. And when a fearless heart believes, miracles happen. - Unknown

Prayer turns ordinary parents into prophets who shape the destinies of their children, grandchildren, and every generation that follows. - Mark Batterson

The essential element in personal magnetism is a consuming sincerity - an overwhelming faith in the importance of the work one has to do. - Bruce Barton

The test of a preacher is that his congregation goes away saying, not, 'What a lovely sermon!' but, 'I will do something!' - Billy Graham

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. - Unknown

The hallmark of religion is to distrust claims made for mortal men. It is in ages of great religious faith that great skepticism can find expression. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The tragedy of disbelieving God is not that a person ends up believing in nothing. Alas, it is much worse - a person may end up believing in anything. - G K Chesterton