They Found Your Balls

Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain

Even snakes are afraid of snakes. - Steven Wright

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player

The gods play games with men as balls. - Titus Maccius Plautus

When I die, bury my balls next to my old bag. - Unknown

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut. - Robin Williams

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham

If Adam and Eve were alive today, they would probably sue the snake. - Bern Williams

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes. - H. Ross Perot

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg

Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

The rules of clockwork might apply to familiar objects such as snooker balls, but when it comes to atoms, the rules are those of roulette. - Paul Davies

If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump

I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump