The Good Old Days

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Pain will leave you, when you let go. - Jeremy Aldana

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

How much pain have cost us the evils that have never happened. - Thomas Jefferson

A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you known it is healed. - Lyanla Vanzant

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Do something everyday that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. - Mark Twain

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan