Swine Flew

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

You want people to think you live in a pig's eye? - Archie Bunker

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Look a pig in its eyes, and understand the truth behind bacon. - Mango Wodzak

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig. - Robert A. Heinlein

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are. - Phineas Narco

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. - Cale Yarborough

All of us are guinea pigs in the laboratory of God. Humanity is just a work in progress. - Tennessee Williams

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield