Swine Flew

In a pig's dye - Archie Bunker

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

When you treat a disease, first treat the mind. - Chen Jen

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. - Cale Yarborough

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

If he don't go calling the cops “pigs” or one of those other epilets, he'll be all right. - Archie Bunker

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

Alzheimer's disease starts when a protein that should be folded up properly misfolds into a kind of demented origami. - Gregory Petsko

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic diseases of the 20th century, and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin