Redneck Water Heater

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home. - Gary Snyder

Housework, if you do it right, can kill you. - Erma Bombeck

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian Proverb

Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? - Phyllis Diller

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. - Jane Austen

I love super crispy, almost burned, snapping-crispy bacon. - David Lynch

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I still close my eyes and go home... I can always draw from that. - Dolly Parton

Mrs. O'Leary's cow is sorry, but Cleveland burned anyway. - Archie Bunker

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

Don't ya know it's bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home? - Archie Bunker

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. - WC Fields

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

Maybe more youngsters would stay home at nights if they were not afraid to stay alone at nights. - Herbert Prochnow

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home. - Dagobert D. Runes

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

He is not an honest man who has burned his tongue and does not tell the company that the soup is hot. - Yugoslav Proverb

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

One of television's great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

I heard his library burned down and both books were destroyed - and one of them hadn't even been colored in yet. - Robertson Davies

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright