Redneck Christmas Lights
Bubba's double puts up the Christmas decorations
How to grab your neighbour's attention this year
Bubba truly outdid himself this year with his Christmas decorations. Many people came screaming to his house offering assistance. A 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder, and almost killed herself putting it against the house - was she ever ticked off when she found out that Bubba was fake!
QuotaBillsSanta's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker
He lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter
May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore. - Unknown
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker
You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon
Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez