Bubba truly outdid himself this year with his Christmas decorations. Many people came screaming to his house offering assistance. A 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder, and almost killed herself putting it against the house - was she ever ticked off when she found out that Bubba was fake!
QuotaBillsHe lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown
May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. - Omar N Bradley
The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze
Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon