Redneck Car Repair

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows. - Steven Wright

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows. - Sydney J. Harris

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade. - Tom Peters

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. - Raymond Chandler

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

I stuck my head out the window this morning and spring kissed my bang in the face. - Langston Hughes

Moving doesn't change who you are. It only changes the view outside your window. - Rachel Hollis

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

A habit cannot be tossed out the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

The average auto owner drives so blamed reckless I'm glad that he does git robbed when he pays a repair bill. - Kin Hubbard

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

We do not need to attend classroom training programs for everything. Observation opens the windows of knowledge around us. - Sukant Ratnakar

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

It was any outcast's nightmare. If I looked carefully, I suspected I might find it beneath the black paint of the small acrylic by the window. - Nancy Werlin

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright