#1 humor site on the 'net

Men's Vacuum Cleaner

Rare photo of a man vacuuming

Men's Vacuum Cleaner thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. - Christian Morgenstern

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't ya know it's bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home? - Archie Bunker

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. - Robert Orben

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

That's the best part of going away for a vacation - coming home again. - Madeleine L'Engle

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. - Kin Hubbard

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner. - Sophia Loren

Housework is work directly opposed to the possibility of human self-actualization. - Ann Oakley

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. - George Moore

The power of finding beauty in the humblest things makes home happy and life lovely. - Louisa May Alcott

If you want to know who is going to change this country, go home and look in the mirror. - Maude Barlow

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

Crafting fills my life, and my closets, and my drawers, and every empty tote bag in the house. - Unknown

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. - Quentin Crisp

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. - Thomas Moore

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why. - Katharine Whitehorn

Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

At this late hour a wagon has been procured, and I have had it filled with plate and the most valuable portable articles, belonging to the house. - Dolly Madison

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan


Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car

Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Happy People

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing

Lost Meal

Plane Oops!

The Wheels of Life

Nerd Shaving

Beethoven's Teacher

Coke's Special Ingredients

Weather Warning

Freedom At Last

Ebola Can Be Eaten