#1 humor site on the 'net

Men's Vacuum Cleaner

Rare photo of a man vacuuming

Men's Vacuum Cleaner thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I. - Anne Gibbons

Homemade dishes drive one from home. - Thomas Hood

When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. - Desmond Tutu

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

A house divided against itself cannot stand. - Abraham Lincoln

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. - Terry Pratchett

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness. - Mark Twain

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

The summer movies are coming out! My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. - Stephen Colbert

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need. - Sarah B Breathnach

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein

There is no place like home when the people who live there make 'building one another' their highest priority. - Gordon MacDonald

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. - Thomas Moore

Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her. - Ryan Reynolds

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

I am a gypsy. I haven't had a home for a long time. Call me a homeless person - I just throw everything in a bag and I'm good to go. - Taylor Kinney

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

I love working for myself from home. I get along with everyone in the office; I can show up in pajamas, and I always win Employee of the Month. - Missy Miwac


Bridge Uplift

Beach Drag

Do Not Feed The Bears

Does Your Hedgehog Bite?

A Woman's Mind

Spaghetti Starter

Sidewalk Pickpocket

Wing Wedding

Relaxing Surgery

Fish Injuries

Nuclear Waste Truck

Rock Watcher

Frog Waltz

Filling The Water Truck

DMV Office

Pawano Lessons

I'm Full

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Be Anything You Want

Drama Queen Diary

Shadow Box Art

Spring Sock Clearance

Dating Time Saver

Coca Cola Twins