#1 humor site on the 'net

Long Noodles

Apartment for rent: must be able to suck it up

Long Noodles thanks to joe-kster

Only Campbell's Can

QuotaBills
An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

Music is the universal language of mankind. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. - Robert H Schuller

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

To play billiards well is a sign of ill-spent youth. - Charles Roupell

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. - Terry Pratchett

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. - Larry Wall

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language. - Gail Godwin

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

To be satisfied with yourself is a sure sign that your forward motion has stopped. - Unknown

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

When a man falls into his anecdotage, it is a sign for him to retire from the world. - Benjamin Disraeli

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M Wright

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart. - Jose N Harris

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in... it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen

Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife. - Kahlil Gibran

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

It's a sign of age if you feel like the morning after the night before and you haven't been anywhere. - Unknown

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson

Crying doesn't indicate that you are weak. Ever since you were born it's been a sign that you are alive. - Unknown

Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll

Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Abundance and vigor of automatic movements are desirable, and even a considerable degree of restlessness is a good sign in young children. - G Stanley Hall

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell


Revenge of the Stallion

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Rat Cut

Spot the Hidden Barred Owl

Smoking Hot Body

Billy the Eagle Owl

Star Wars Fisherman

The Devil's Swimming Pool

Pet Dentist

Nuts And Fruitcakes

Spiral Staircase

Scubaru

Nordern Minnesota Yeneral Store

Pigeon Drink

Epic Turban

Healthy Breakfast

Motorcycle Campers

Canadian Banknotes - Extreme Makeover For Toonie

Wheelchair Mower

How To Fail at Photoshopping Pictures

Life Expectancy by Age

Construction Clouds

It's Been A Good Day

Worst Aid