QuotaBillsHe lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter
May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus
There was nothing in the dark that wasn't there when the lights were on. - Rod Serling
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson
The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. - Lillian Carter
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore. - Unknown
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker
Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez