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Different Drugs
Drug problem to make the world a better place
America would be a better place with this type of drug problem
Drugs stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin
The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question. "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"
I replied, "I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood, and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us."
The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question. "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"
I replied, "I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood, and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us."
Nature is cheaper than therapy. - M P Zarrella
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. - Patricia Neal
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. - Dylan Moran
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. - Patricia Neal
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. - Dylan Moran
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
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