Designer Dog

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Joy Ride: Going somewhere without the kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I hardly ever stretch the canvas before painting. - Jackson Pollock

Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Arpeggio: The story book kid with the big nose that grows - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lilac: 'He's a nice kid but he can lilac anything.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Chid: A young person who does not wish to be referred to as a child or a kid - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Snap-On Gasket Scrapper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah