Designer Dog

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

What is this, an audience or an oil painting? - Milton Berle

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz