#1 humor site on the 'net

Attention Span

Parents - they can be so demanding

Attention Span thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Nipper: Baby crab - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Stoic: De boid what brings de babies - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dapper Diaper: Well-dressed baby underwear. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beautiful things don't ask for attention. - Steve Conrad

Titillate: A tardy meal for a breast-fed baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings. - American Proverb

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

I have an attention span that's as long as it has to be. - Donald Trump

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. - Christopher Morley

Kidnapping: The short snatches of rest a parent gets when baby sleeps - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Clients don't care about the labor pains; they want to see the baby. - Tim Williams

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. - Mary Oliver

Once you figure out what respect tastes like, it tastes better than attention. - Pink

Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - Antisthenes

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention. - Sharon Salzberg

Kidnap: 1. Something that a young child takes when tired; 2. When a baby goat sleeps. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Success is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration, and 2 percent attention to detail. - Phil

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. - Lane Olinghouse

In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us. - Virginia Woolf

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. - Enid Bagnold

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again. - James R. Cook

Those who are unhappy have no need for anything in this world but people capable of giving them their attention. - Simone Weil

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

The reason we are so pleased to find other people's secrets is that it distracts public attention from our own. - Oscar Wilde

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

Fearlessness requires attention and receptivity - it takes focus to stand in the still eye of a tornado and not be swept away by it. - Susan Piver

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

In this age of microblogging and two-second sound bites, almost no one has the attention span, or time, to read more than a few sentences. - Tim Frick

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. - John Kenneth Galbraith


Duck That Did Not Duck

Chewie, We're Home

Introducing the iPhone 20

Meateor

Ancient Shiloh

British Accountant

Ruling On Criticism

Going Into Space

Domino's Delivers Everywhere

Lord of the Wings

Crossed Wires

Monday Lisa

Pets Come First

If You Need Space

Economy Flight

Redneck Hailstone Damage

Wet Tents

Redneck Flu Shot

Japanese Diving Platform

All Mine

Cat Swimming at the Olympics

Yoga Food

Paint Room

Beer Cheers