QuotaBillsIgnorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson
Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
Mother is the home we come from. She is nature, soil, ocean. - Erich Fromm
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield
A mother is a story with no beginning. That is what defines her. - Meghan O'Rourke
Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem
My mother was my role model before I even knew what that word was. - Lisa Leslie
A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend. - Unknown
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields
My mom told me a long time ago, 'Never get in a fight with a lady.' - Oliver North
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher
A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown
My mom always said, "You'd rather have smile lines than frown lines." - Cindy Crawford
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson
Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester
If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. - Robert Brault
My mother gave me my drive, but my father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future. - Liza Minnelli
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. - Abraham Lincoln
When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. - Woody Allen
Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta
A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown
What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron
In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union
So long as the mother, ignorance, lives, it is not safe for science, the offspring, to divulge the hidden cause of things. - Johannes Kepler
Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look 'like a tramp'
- Daffynitions joe-ks.com
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller