Zoo Christmas Tree

Life is a zoo in a jungle. - Peter De Vries

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

Trouble came - as trouble so often does - with a monkey. - Paul Collins

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

The surest way to make a monkey out of a man is to quote him. - Robert Benchley

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. - Mark Twain

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

They're picking bananas in Brazil and them Indians down there, they don't care about what you look like. - Archie Bunker

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
So just what are time flies, and why do they fly like an arrow? - Groucho Marx

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Basketball, a game which won’t be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus high and return the giraffes to the zoo. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don't like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around. - Ernest Hemingway

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas." - Claude Pepper