Twin Dish

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Television has raised writing to a new low. - Samuel Goldwyn

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Babysitters: Girls you hire to watch your television set. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

Satellite imagery is the only way we can map the looting patterns effectively. - Sarah Parcak

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. - Ann Landers

A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. - Orson Welles

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain