Twin Dish

Happiness was born a twin. - Lord Byron

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Television has raised writing to a new low. - Samuel Goldwyn

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth but not its twin. - Barbara Kingsolver

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. - Jerry Seinfeld

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel

The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf. - Mark Twain

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. - David Coleman

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

I chose the Egyptian dream: the dream to make a TV show, and then be called an infidel by the end. - Bassem Youssef

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Television remote controls encourage couch potatoes to exercise their options while broadening their base. - William Arthur Ward

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz