Twin Dish

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Happiness was born a twin. - Lord Byron

The vertizontal hold on the TV. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me! - Homer Simpson

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz. - Humphrey Bogart

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth but not its twin. - Barbara Kingsolver

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

TV is simply a place where people go when they get tired of thinking. - Kevin Devitte

Television has brought back murder into the home... where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Getting an award from TV is like being kissed by someone with bad breath. - Mason Williams

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? - Dick Cavett

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. - David Coleman

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

I chose the Egyptian dream: the dream to make a TV show, and then be called an infidel by the end. - Bassem Youssef

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz