#1 humor site on the 'net

Socket To Me

Watts with this guy?

Socket To Me thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Plugging into the right socket can be a heads up, enlightening experience

QuotaBills
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Put the light out, and all women are alike. - German Proverb

Ya better keep a civilian tongue in your head. - Archie Bunker

One good head is better than a hundred strong hands. - Thomas Fuller

Through darkness diamonds spread their richest light. - John Webster

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. - Kahlil Gibran

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. - Alice Miller

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul. - Victor Hugo

Never say never because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. - Michael Jordan

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

When nothing goes right, you have to face forward and take it on head first. - Kyo Shirodaira

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. - Helen Keller

May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart. - Eskimo Proverb

Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. - Ann Bradford

I am afraid the clergyman's God is often the head of the clerical profession. - William R Inge

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller

The goal was scored a little bit by the hand of God, another bit by the head of Maradona. - Diego Maradona

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Dreams or illusions, call them what you will, they lift us from the commonplace of life to better things. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen

Nothing prepared me for being this awesome. It's kind of a shock to wake up every morning and be bathed in this purple light. - Bill Murray

Life is an arrow - therefore you must know
What mark to aim at, how to use the bow -
Then draw it to the head and let it go. - Henry Van Dyke

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins

You can tell it's good if you light it and a blue flame comes up; that means it's good moonshine and it won't make you go blind. - Johnny Knoxville

I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging the future but by the past. - Patrick Henry

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off. - Rodney Dangerfield

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien


Ostrich Imprint

Tea Party Weapon

Extra Space Bed

Unattended Children

ThrowYo

Cell Phone Warning

Umbrella Protection and Non-Protection

Husband Creche

Undertaker Bike

Road Sign Dictionary

Sandal Security

House Appraisal

Tongue Twister

Class Notes

The Perfect Male

Welfare Dogs

Internet Surfing

Chipotie Burger

Ant Virus

K9 Construction

Fork In The Road

Before Twitter

Drink And Drive Directions

Just Divorced