Road Pirate

I hope your only rocky road is chocolate. - Amanda Mosher

Aren't most of you descended from pirates? - Prince Philip

The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer. - John Madden

The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. - William Blake

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

We know the road to freedom has always been stalked by death. - Angela Davis

He who walks in the middle of the road gets hit from both sides. - George P. Schultz

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

The road to learning by precept is long, but by example short and effective. - Seneca

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead. - Tommy Bolt

God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road. - Unknown

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

There is more treasure in books than all the pirate's loot on treasure island. - Walt Disney

The church is close, but the road is icey. The tavern is far, but I will walk carefully. - Russian Proverb

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

He who would arrive at the appointed end must follow a single road and not wander through many ways. - Seneca

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

"Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour." - Steven Wright

A great accomplishment shouldn't be the end of the road, just the starting point for the next leap forward. - Harvey Mackay

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. - Henry Ward Beecher

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late. - Robert R. Updegraff

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. - Bob Marley

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says: "Leave no stone unturned." - Edward Bulwer Lytton

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Don't let the age on your driver's license determine your season in life. Everyone's growing seasons look a bit different. - Vicki Kuyper

It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness. As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. - Dag Hammarskjold

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright