#1 humor site on the 'net

Rescue Pup

Puppy CPR saves floored man

Rescue Pup thanks to Marlene Goodman

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Dogmatic: Run by canine power. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. - John Rooney

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves. - Tom Robbins

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Some wish to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell. - C.T. Studd

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

Snap-On Gasket Scrapper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Spot The Surfer

Finally Got The Sink Fixed

Antique iPhones

Spongebob Suarez

Auto Correct Passing

Computer Resuscitation

PonyTale

Husband of the Year

Child Disarma-meant

Ancient Greek Stormtrooper

Ferrous Wheel

Dese Are My Bebies

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Big Boots To Fill

Redneck Dog Kennel

Mom Posting

Flying is so Overrated

Too Short

Pinocchio Playground

Bike Bed

Hi, My Name's Cliff - Drop Over Some Time!

TP Kid

Soccer Overpass

Aussie Starter Fluid