#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Hurricane Survival Kit

Bubba's Tornado/Flooding Survival Checklist

Redneck Hurricane Survival Kit thanks to Darwin McKee

Toilet Paper ... check
Bud Light ... check
Keystone Ice ... check
Budweiser ... check
Red Dog ... check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol ... check
Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ... check

QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Flood: A river too big for its bridges - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

I don't want to survive. I want to live. - 12 Years a Slave

A poet can survive everything but a misprint. - Oscar Wilde

Survival is a major contributor to longevity. - Unknown

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival. - Aung San Suu Kyi

The elephant can survive only if forests survive. - Mark Shand

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. - Unknown

Britain's goal is not to survive, but to prevail. - Winston Churchill

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

I might survive a few days at sea. Probably not as long as Pi. - Suraj Sharma

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. - Unknown

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke

We'd show an Alzheimer's survivor here, if there were one. - Unknown

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Creative minds have been known to survive any sort of bad training. - Anna Freud

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul. - Victor Hugo

Cause Change & Lead
Accept Change & Survive
Resist Change & Die - Ray Norda

Better one line that will survive the author than a hundred books outlived. - Unknown

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. - Wallace Irwin

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive. - Andy Grove

It is not so much where my motivation comes from but rather how it manages to survive. - Louise Bourgeois

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

It used to be that people needed products to survive. Now products need people to survive. - Nicholas Johnson

We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. - William Glasser

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. - Nicolas Chamfort

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. - Oscar Wilde

It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive, but those who can best manage change. - Charles Darwin

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Love, like democracy, can survive almost any attack - except neglect, indifference and maybe an arrow in the back. - Unknown

Plenty of people who survive tragedies end up ambivalent about danger--frightened by it, yet strangely drawn to it. - Keith Ablow

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

A mighty fortress is our God,
A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He,
amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing. - Martin Luther

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. - J K Rowling

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. - C S Lewis

Victory at all cost, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival. - Winston Churchill

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

Not every man can carry a full cup. Sudden elevation frequently leads to pride and a fall. The most exacting test of all is to survive prosperity. - Oswald Sanders

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


SailBite Ride - Swimming Not Advised

Aisle Cleanup

His Dent

Car Surgeon

Slamming On Your Brakes

Need A Cigarette?

CardboardZilla

Weather Rock - For Accurate Forecasts

Water Taxi

Acapulco Waterfront Property

Just Blew It

Wouldn't want to scratch that fancy bed liner

Lunch Break

Digging One's Own Grave

See The Difference?

Gas and Dash

OctoMask

Bird on a Wire (past tense)

Workplace Hazards in Tasmania

Tiger On A Roll

Men's Golf Rules

Where Did He Go?

Sudden Invented Syndrome

Calculus Drinks