#1 humor site on the 'net

Raise Twins

Experience wildlife at home

Raise Twins thanks to Hans Pagels

QuotaBills
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's never too late for a happy childhood. - Gloria Steinem

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy. - Robert H. Heinlein

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

When I was a child what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid. - Quentin Crisp

Women should not have children after 35. Really? 35 children is enough. - Bill Murray

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. - Thomas Paine

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Unknown

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration; the rest of us just get up and go to work. - Stephen King

Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman

Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity. - Kay R. Jamison

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. - Laurence J Peter

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz

I think of inspiration as desire infused with spirit and topped with an almost reckless optimism. - Fred White

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. - Lane Olinghouse

May my children follow their own intuition to discover true empowerment in the answers they seek. - Unknown

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

I've enjoyed many camping holidays with my sister and her children, but we're pretty posh campers. - Erin O'Connor

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. - P J O'Rourke

Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children what a shock the rest of life would be for them. - Joyce Maynard

Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well. - Martin Luther

Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father. - Barack Obama

Life is a child playing around your feet, a tool you hold firmly in your grip, a bench you sit down upon in the evening, in your garden. - Jean Anouilh

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Wolf Mode

Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse

Day At The Beach

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Amish Prom Limo