Raise Twins

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's never too late for a happy childhood. - Gloria Steinem

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy. - Robert H. Heinlein

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

When I was a child what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid. - Quentin Crisp

Women should not have children after 35. Really? 35 children is enough. - Bill Murray

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. - Thomas Paine

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Unknown

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration; the rest of us just get up and go to work. - Stephen King

Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman

Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity. - Kay R. Jamison

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. - Laurence J Peter

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz

I think of inspiration as desire infused with spirit and topped with an almost reckless optimism. - Fred White

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. - Lane Olinghouse

May my children follow their own intuition to discover true empowerment in the answers they seek. - Unknown

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

I've enjoyed many camping holidays with my sister and her children, but we're pretty posh campers. - Erin O'Connor

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. - P J O'Rourke

Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children what a shock the rest of life would be for them. - Joyce Maynard

Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well. - Martin Luther

Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father. - Barack Obama

Life is a child playing around your feet, a tool you hold firmly in your grip, a bench you sit down upon in the evening, in your garden. - Jean Anouilh

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com