Newfie Parking

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ice Cream: What I do when scared - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hard Water: The scientific name for ice - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. - Martin Mull

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

If you want to make everyone happy, don't be a leader. Sell ice cream. - Steve Jobs

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

I like ice hockey. No one is ever going to ask me to write about that as a metaphor for life. - Steven Pinker

Everything slows down with age. Except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips. - John Wagner

We all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer. The poor get it in the winter. - Bat Masterson

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. - Jim Fiebig

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world - an assigned parking space. - Gene Perret

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. - Steven Wright

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

Everyone knows that ice cream is worth the trouble of being cold. Like all things virtuous, you have to suffer to gain the reward. - Brandon Sanderson

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright