Newfie Parking

Vanguard: A person who protects trucks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hard Water: The scientific name for ice - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Broom parking only; all others will be toad. - Unknown

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! - Groucho Marx

Life is too short to eat vanilla ice cream and dance with boring men. - Unknown

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the ice box. - Marilyn Monroe

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. - Jim Fiebig

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Unlucky: Crossing the street to avoid walking under a ladder and getting hit by a truck full of horseshoes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Truck Driver: 1. A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people; 2. A guy who goes the route. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

Jawjuh: (Southern) A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com