#1 humor site on the 'net

Michael Phelps - In The Beginning

Eggsellent young swimmer, ahead of his time

Michael Phelps - In The Beginning thanks to Bill Carter

Who will be first to the swim spa?

QuotaBills
Plodding wins the race. - Aesop

Breath: What winners of a race lose - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Be not proud of race, face, place, or grace. - Charles H Spurgeon

Patience is a vital trait of the great athlete. - Unknown

If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it. - Jonathan Winters

Water Polo: What horses play in the swimming pool - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. - H L Mencken

This is the place to be - in the land of swimming pools. - David Hockney

I'm in the turtle's race. My journey is a marathon. - Omari Hardwick

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. - Steven Wright

Leadership, like swimming, cannot be learned by reading about it. - Henry Mintzberg

The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. - Woodrow Wilson

Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle I have hope for the human race. - H G Wells

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

Music is what tells us that the human race is greater than we realize. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Athlete: A dignified bunch of muscles, unable to split wood or sift ashes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. - Walter Elliott

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

In the Moscow Olympics, Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champion's race. - David Coleman

And where does the power come from to see the race to its end? It comes from within. - Eric Liddell

Sherbet: 1. A horse that can't lose; 2. A tip on a horse race or sporting event. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A great athlete does not come from muscle, speed, and skill, but from the mind first. - Dan E. Welker

In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. - Thomas Jefferson

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim. - Frida Kahlo

Life as pool table,
White is focus,
Others, targets.
Stick is your driving force! - Stricketer

Diatribe: 1. An extinct race; 2. The group of native Brits that worship the late Princess Diana. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. - Damon Runyon

There are only 3 true sports: mountain climbing, bull fighting and auto racing. All the rest are games. - Ernest Hemingway

I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of an Olympic-sized swimming pool - in a small motor launch. - Peter Cook

Many people cycle or swim to keep trim. But if swimming is so good for the figure, how do you explain whales? - Charles Saatchi

We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson

We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou

Happiness consists in activity: such is the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and not a stagnant pool. - John M. Good

Tension: 1. The price you pay for being a race horse instead of a plow horse; 2. What the sergeant shouts to his soldiers. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe, our class, and our nation; and this means we must develop a world perspective. - Martin Luther King Jr.

The world, the race, the soul - in space and time the universes,
All bound as is befitting each - all surely going somewhere. - Walt Whitman

Contempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people's happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race. - Bertrand Russell

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson


Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus

Promote Yourself

Time Machine

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop

Snail Trail

Anger Release Machine

Pun-e Signs