Husband of the Year

To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes

Her husband was infidelicate with another woman. - Archie Bunker

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

Jello: The only food your husband has ever learned to cook - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Obscenity is whatever happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate. - Bertrand Russell

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look. - Mia Farrow

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds