Husband of the Year

To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes

Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

Jello: The only food your husband has ever learned to cook - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My husband is a general's chauffeur somewhere in France. - Lillie Langtry

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

Do you Edith....take Archie Bunker to be your lawfully bedded husband? - Archie Bunker

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look. - Mia Farrow

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

Model Wife: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way. - Lauren Bacall

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Aging: 1. A supposed ripening into wisdom that most Westerners attempt to delay as long as possible; 2. A one-way street with no stoplights. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller