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Excerpt from a Lion Cookbook

If she hasn't yet, she soon will...

Excerpt from a Lion Cookbook thanks to Roy Taylor

Secrets of the Serengeti Grill

'Patience is required when hunting humans. If you harvest them at the wrong time they taste like crap.'

QuotaBills
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

When spiders unite, they can tie down a lion. - Ethiopian Proverb

March came in like a lion and went out like a ham. - Frank Nugent

When spiderwebs unite, they can halt even the lion. - African Proverb

If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery. - Walter Winchell

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

Most stress is caused by people who overestimate the importance of their problems. - Michael LeBoeuf

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians, except for the occasional mountain lion steak. - Ted Nugent

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep. I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. - Alexander the Great

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

You don't go walking into the proverbial lion's den lightly. You start with a good breakfast. - Jim Butcher

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


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