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Excerpt from a Lion Cookbook

If she hasn't yet, she soon will...

Excerpt from a Lion Cookbook thanks to Roy Taylor

Secrets of the Serengeti Grill

'Patience is required when hunting humans. If you harvest them at the wrong time they taste like crap.'

QuotaBills
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Rise and rise again until lambs become lions. - Robin Hood

When spiders unite, they can tie down a lion. - Ethiopian Proverb

When spiderwebs unite, they can halt even the lion. - African Proverb

If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery. - Walter Winchell

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat an army of lions led by a sheep. - African Proverb

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. - Woody Allen

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians, except for the occasional mountain lion steak. - Ted Nugent

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

The tiger, he come up with the tigeress. The lion, he come up with the lionette. The zebra, he come up with the zeberelle. - Archie Bunker

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


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