BIG Christmas Stocking

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. - Steven Wright

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle I have hope for the human race. - H G Wells

Business is like riding a bicycle. Either you keep moving or you fall down. - John D. Wright

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

A gorilla with a cellphone riding a bicycle is bound to generate some clever captions. - Steve Breen

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop pedaling. - Claude Pepper

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou

The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman

One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle. - Steven Wright

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. - Terry Pratchett

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Pride causes us to use our gifts as though they came from ourselves, not benefits received from God, and to usurp our benefactor's glory. - Bernard of Clairvaux