QuotaBillsQuack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
I'm not much of an analyzer or a psychologist. - Christopher Walken
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Asphyxiation: What a surgeon does about an asphalt - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
Operation: A surgical job taking minutes to do and years to describe - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz