#1 humor site on the 'net

Spider Time

Do you know why Spider Time goes so fast?

Spider Time thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Normal clocks have 2 hands, but spider clocks have 8 legs

“Mom, do you know where my pet spider went? I’m running out of time.”

QuotaBills
No time like the present. - Mrs Manley

A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

I believe it is peace for our time. - Neville Chamberlain

Time ripens all things, no man is born wise. - Miguel de Cervantes

I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. - Steven Wright

It's the time of year when Canadians mate. - Craig Ferguson

Only time will tell if we stand the test of time. - Van Halen

The hardest thing to do is win it the second time. - Red Auerbach

Nine-tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time. - Theodore Roosevelt

The best thing to spend on your children is your time. - Louise Hart

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. - Bill Watterson

Those who know the value of time use it in preparation for eternity. - Dugnet

The Republic of China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time. - David Coleman

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. - Woody Allen

How does a project get to be a year behind schedule? One day at a time. - Fred Brooks

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. - Charles Schulz

Once upon a time, forests were repositories of magic for the human race. - John Burnside

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. - Edith Wharton

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once. - Albert Einstein

Pessimists are usually kind. The gay, bubbling over, have no time for the pitiful. - Sean O'Faolain

Time neither subtracts nor divides, but adds at such a pace it seems like multiplication. - Bob Talbert

Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan. Now that's a name I have not heard in a long time. A long time. - Obi Wan Kenobi

Every time a child is born it brings with it the hope that God is not yet disappointed in man. - Rabindranath Tagore

By the time I taught myself the bass guitar at the age of 14, my hands were already pretty nimble. - John Entwistle

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

In the long run, the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. - Unknown

The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged to learn Latin. - Heinrich Heine

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. - Abigail Van Buren

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. - Mark Twain

I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after. - Tim Conway

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers

Audiences everywhere are tough. They don't have time to be bored or brow beaten by orthodox, old fashioned advertising. - Craig Davis

The Republicans have all of the cards. And this is the time to get rid of Obamacare. This is the time to make the great deal. - Donald Trump

When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. - Donald Trump

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. - Sarah Dessen

Today will never come again. Be a blessing. Be a friend. Encourage someone. Take time to care. Let your words heal, and not wound. - Unknown

I've never been able to grow an organ back," Lana said. "Last time I tried... Let's just hope you don't end up with whip eyes. - Michael Grant


Sparks Recycling

Last Gasp Request

Flower Shop For Men

Canadian Archaeology

Tank Top Security

One Beer A Day

Tennis Hammock

Fare Dodger

Husband of the Year

Bolder Boulder

Shoe Stop

Exactly How I Feel

Circle Of Life

Outback Waterhole

Next Week Plans

Cycle Feeding Your Cows

The Fall Of Adam

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Boat Hurdles

Bread Slice

Steak Sale

Take Away Food

Creative Vandalism

History Doesn't Repeat Itself