Santa's Global Warming

Water rusts pipes. - WC Fields

Are my hot flashes causing Global Warming? - Unknown

Friendship is a plant we must often water. - German Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

A tear is made of 1% water and 99% feelings. - Unknown

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. - Janet Clarkson

Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone. - Alan Watts

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

When you build bridges you can keep crossing them. - Rick Pitino

Like water, we are truest to our nature in repose. - Cyril Connolly

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river. - Abraham Lincoln

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water. - WC Fields

I moved to Florida because you don't have to shovel water. - James Randi

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

I ran a 100-mile marathon, and I was powered by coconut water. - Jesse Itzler

Water, air, and cleanliness are the chief articles in my pharmacy. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. - Malayan Proverb

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it. - Steven Wright

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

An entire ocean can't sink a ship unless it allows the water inside. - Donna Smith

You don't drown by falling into water. You only drown if you stay there. - Zig Ziglar

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it. - Joan Rivers

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

When ya go out there in the water and ya start crossing your longirudes and lassitudes. - Archie Bunker

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. - John Glenn

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. - Leonardo da Vinci

A leader is not an administrator who loves to run others, but someone who carries water for his people, so that they can get on with their jobs. - Robert Townsend