Handyman's Christmas Tree

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Goethe

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. - Thomas Edison

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being. - John S Mill

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte