#1 humor site on the 'net

Handyman's Christmas Tree

Give him a Christmas Tree for Christmas!

Handyman's Christmas Tree thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Tree for all-season engineers

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Weeping Willow: Sad tree - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Goethe

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. - Thomas Edison

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Guarantee: A legal vehicle which expires on the same day as your mechanical one - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can tell a man isn't handy when he asks the man next door how to get blood off a saw. - Milton Berle

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If we're not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn't settle for junk food. - Sally Edwards

Bountiful: What Captain Bligh declared after learning that one more breadfruit tree would sink his ship - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

He that climbs the tall tree has won the right to the fruit; he that leaps the wide gulf should prevail in his suit. - Walter Scott

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

Geometry: 1. What the acorn said after it grew up; 2. A tree made up of numbers and letters; 3. Without geometry, life is pointless. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

The axe cannot boast of the tree it has cut down. It could do nothing but for the woodsman. He made it, he sharpened it, and he used it. - Samuel Brengel

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


Engineering Flowchart

Egotist

Hunter's Dream Wedding

Paddy Field Canal

Grow A Boyfriend

Mars Images

Drumset Motorcycle

Brick Shoes

Custer's Last Stand?

Hand Held Tourist

Curly Heels

Bottle Sneakret

Removed Posts

Second Hand Work

Ostrich Fill Up

Calory Bomb

Interuption Charge

Reach For Your Dreams

Perception

Jeopardy Measuring Cup

All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car