#1 humor site on the 'net

Handyman's Christmas Tree

Give him a Christmas Tree for Christmas!

Handyman's Christmas Tree thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Tree for all-season engineers

QuotaBills
Weeping Willow: Sad tree - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Palm Tree: A tree with hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. - Thomas Edison

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - WC Fields

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


Vuvuzela Hits

You Are Grounded

Crosswalk Climber

Happy ARRRRRRRHH!

City Beach Castle

Martini Shirt

Mal Nutrition

Stowaway Soccer Fan

Watch Out For Slugger

Canada Frigate

Shimmy Car-nage

Texas Cow Cleaner

DogWood

The Floater

How We Played Online Before The Internet

Sports Hernias

Redneck Power Windows

Star Wars Howl

Leaning Bookshelves

Sometimes Dads Are Wet For Work

Dad Sandwich

Months Apart

Swing Dad

Dadspiration