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Don't Try This At Home

Who said we evolved from monkeys?

Don't Try This At Home thanks to Cathy Young

Monkey see, but DON'T monkey do! Still interested in our 'Adopt A Monkey' program?

QuotaBills
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. - James Goldsmith

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

What happens in the hot tub stays in the hot tub. - Aussie Swimmer

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Oh, that sound? I'm in the hot tub, reading a novel. - Jane Smiley

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath. - Sylvia Plath

The surest way to make a monkey out of a man is to quote him. - Robert Benchley

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

Well, yous 2 may have come from monkeys and bamboons, but not me. - Archie Bunker

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

I'm thinking of buying a monkey. Then I think, 'Why stop at one?' - Robert Downey Jr

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

For short term relaxation, I take a hot tub. It's my best way to unblock writer's block. - Ellen Hopkins

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people's drama, repeat these words: Not my circus, not my monkeys. - Polish Proverb

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

The monkeys solved the puzzle simply because they found it gratifying to solve puzzles. They enjoyed it. The joy of the task was its own reward. - Daniel H. Pink

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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