#1 humor site on the 'net

Don't Try This At Home

Who said we evolved from monkeys?

Don't Try This At Home thanks to Cathy Young

Monkey see, but DON'T monkey do! Still interested in our 'Adopt A Monkey' program?

QuotaBills
Turkish Bath: A pool room - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. - James Goldsmith

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys. - Groundskeeper Willie

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

The surest way to make a monkey out of a man is to quote him. - Robert Benchley

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. - Robin Williams

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? - George Carlin

I'm thinking of buying a monkey. Then I think, 'Why stop at one?' - Robert Downey Jr

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

Hiring someone to write your autobiography is like hiring someone to take a bath for you. - Mae West

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

For short term relaxation, I take a hot tub. It's my best way to unblock writer's block. - Ellen Hopkins

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

Monkey: 1. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees; 2. A key that won't open a door. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people's drama, repeat these words: Not my circus, not my monkeys. - Polish Proverb

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Restored Beauty

Powerplant Swimsuit Models

Watermelon Cake

Sharkini

Julyed

Filet Minion

Better Singer

Texas Basketball

Grow Food, Not Lawns

Nut Salesman

Long Yellow Things

Ants Know When Something Is Fake

Think Outside

Despicable Wood Stove

Engineering Flowchart

Egotist

Hunter's Dream Wedding

Paddy Field Canal

Grow A Boyfriend

Mars Images

Drumset Motorcycle

Brick Shoes

Custer's Last Stand?

Hand Held Tourist