#1 humor site on the 'net

Divorce Defined

Marital bliss squeezed through the hands of a lawyer

Divorce Defined thanks to Mike King

Divorce: from an old Latin word meaning to extract a man's genitals through his wallet

QuotaBills
Lawyers are merchants of misery. - Nancy Levit

Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas

Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Swift justice demands more than just swiftness. - Potter Stewart

It is not wisdom but authority that makes a law. - Thomas Hobbes

Lawyers are the foot soldiers of our Constitution. - Rennard Strickland

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

I have always fought for concrete facts, for justice. - Fidel Castro

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

Sometimes justice is at its most merciful when it's blind. - Nancy Gibbs

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

Real Estate: What your house is called during divorce proceedings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can not stop the spread of an idea by passing a law against it. - Harry S Truman

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obeys them. - Henry Ward Beecher

Lawyers are a bad lot... They cheat their living out of honest people. - Albert R Carman

The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon

The first and fundamental law of nature is to seek out peace and follow it. - Thomas Hobbes

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

People who use lawyers are not people you would really want to hang around with. - Deborah Ross

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe

Most of the dishonest lawyers are the product of dishonest clients - the demand creates the supply. - Morris Salem

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. - Woody Allen

Beware of lawyers and consultants and people who do not take risks and who do not get their hands dirty. - Felix G Rohatyn

In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay

I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

A judge who likes every outcome he reaches is very likely a bad judge, stretching for results he prefers rather than those the law demands. - Neil Gorsuch

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. - Tim Allen

A lawyer's performance in the courtroom is responsible for about 25 percent of the outcome; the remaining 75 percent depends on the facts. - Melvin Belli

The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman


Enjoy Fresh Air

Bread Board

Snaccident

Mini Bar

Frisbee Stopper

Redneck Sushi

Redneck's Lo-Tech Mobile Phone

Downchuck

Border Agent Alert

Cadillac Clearance

Leading By Example

Wired For Coffee

Cadillac Bike

Chip and Dip

Cat Couch Nap

Redneck Trophy Fish

Country Irony

'None Of The Above' Election Option

I've Got Your Back

Vintage Campers

Great Minds of History

But That Was Yesterday

Trudeau's Top Fails

Picture Of Me Getting Naked