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Divorce Defined

Marital bliss squeezed through the hands of a lawyer

Divorce Defined thanks to Mike King

Divorce: from an old Latin word meaning to extract a man's genitals through his wallet

QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

Justice delayed is justice denied. - William Gladstone

I don't want tea, I want justice! - Ally Carter

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

Do you not know that I am above the law? - James II

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman

Where there's a will there's a lawsuit. - Addison Mizner

It is not wisdom but authority that makes a law. - Thomas Hobbes

Alimony is always having to say you're sorry. - Philip Simborg

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner

Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. - Unknown

It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony. - John Barrymore

Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Recompense injury with justice, and recompense kindness with kindness. - Confucius

The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them. - Karen M Moning

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere

True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

Even when laws have been written down, they ought not always to remain unaltered. - Aristotle

Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. - George Washington

I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. - Dalai Lama

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. - Homer Simpson

It happens to be against two laws: God's and man's. I'm booking her on the second. - Cornell Wilde

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

There is not Communism or Marxism, but representative democracy and social justice in a well-planned economy. - Fidel Castro

Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. - Sri Chinmoy

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein

Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward

This hour we are stretching forth our hands with the desire to teach the world the true principles of mercy and justice. - Marcus Garvey

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood. - Martin Luther King Jr.

The question arises: whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage. - Florynce R Kennedy

Lawyers are like cheeses. There are lots of good ones, but not everybody likes the taste of some or can afford the best of others. - Robin Ellison

Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. - Tim Allen

Lawyers have the singular distinction of being able to play the hero and villain at the same time. Depending on where you stand in a courthouse. - Lenox Mhlanga

Lawyers are like unrequited lovers: you give them an inch, and they go for the whole nine yards; you take off one shoe, and they pull down your pants. - Andres Rueda


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