Daddy, Can I Drive?

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm. - Publilius Syrus

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? - George Carlin

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Drive slow and enjoy the scenery. Drive fast and join the scenery. - Douglas Horton

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. - David Letterman

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. - Roger Bannister

The middle of the road is where the white line is - and that's the worst place to drive. - Robert Frost

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

I hired a chauffeur and I became a motivational speaker, because I don’t drive - I'm driven.
 - Jarod Kintz

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

Eden is that old-fashioned house
We dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode
Until we drive away. - Emily Dickinson

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

Religions, which condemn the pleasures of sense, drive men to seek the pleasures of power. Throughout history power has been the vice of the ascetic. - Bertrand Russell