Daddy, Can I Drive?

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Juvenile Delinquency: Modern term for what we did as kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

Have fun, be active. Ride a bike instead of driving, for example. - Dan Buettner

Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead. - Tommy Bolt

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

Couch Potato: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Intelligence is like a 4 wheel drive - it allows you to get stuck in more remote places. - Garrison Keillor

I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps. - Jimmy Kimmel

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

The middle of the road is where the white line is - and that's the worst place to drive. - Robert Frost

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

I hired a chauffeur and I became a motivational speaker, because I don’t drive - I'm driven.
 - Jarod Kintz

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

I was a huge bookworm as a kid, and you could usually find me reading something with a dragon on its cover. - Julie Kagawa

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver