#1 humor site on the 'net

Baby Delivery

When the stork becomes outdated

Baby Delivery thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Nipper: Baby crab - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Deceitful: Infant who needs changing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stoic: De boid what brings de babies - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

Titillate: A tardy meal for a breast-fed baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Howling Success: The baby that gets picked up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

From the prairies, to the oceans, wide with foam - Archie Bunker

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings. - American Proverb

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package. - John Ruskin

Kidnapping: The short snatches of rest a parent gets when baby sleeps - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

Clients don't care about the labor pains; they want to see the baby. - Tim Williams

Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. - Unknown

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with. - George Carlin

Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. - Ambrose Bierce

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

It's been a tough week. I bought myself a memory foam mattress and now it's trying to blackmail me. - Gary Delaney

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

As an experienced artist, I carry my work like a secret pregnancy. I am always aware of inner life and the need to protect it. - Julia Cameron

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik


Ford Door Lock

Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly

Wiener Dog Safety

Donkey Refill

Big John

Do Must Marriage

Shopping-ish

Head Twins

Pickup Park

Diet Hard

Go Nowhere Bike

Master Reference Binder

Do You See A Bird or a Girl?

Car Moochanic

Wife's Small Mistake

Redneck TP

Backwards Clock

Redneck House Move

New World Record Holder

World's Hardest Golf Shot

Safe Bike

Donut Hole History

Church Flight

Jews: The Revenge