#1 humor site on the 'net

'Turn Me Over' Pickup

Looks like they had the right sign on this vehicle

'Turn Me Over' Pickup thanks to Darwin McKee

QuotaBills
Turn your wounds into wisdom. - Oprah

When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. - Desmond Tutu

A dead-end street is a good place to turn around. - Naomi Judd

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. - Jason Kidd

Everyone has a fair turn to be as great as he pleases. - Jeremy Collier

Power is nothing unless you can turn it into influence. - Condoleezza Rice

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. - Maori Proverb

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Things don't turn up in this world until somebody turns them up. - James A. Garfield

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. - Albert Camus

You turn hotdogs with tongs. Don't you ever use those tongs on a hamburger. - J.B. Smoove

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

Every evening I turn worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. - Mary C. Crowley

To turn $100 into $110 is work. To turn $100 million into $110 million is inevitable. - Edgar Bronfman

Imagination, of course, can open any door - turn the key and let terror walk right in. - Truman Capote

The trouble with free elections is that you never know how they are going to turn out. - Vyacheslav Molotov

Great souls by instinct by each other turn
Demand alliance, and in friendship burn. - Joseph Addison

It's a culmination of your life of surfing when you turn and paddle in at Mavericks. - Jeff Clark

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields

The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Science is angling in the mud - angling for immortality and for anything else that may turn up. - Aldous Huxley

If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. - Eleanor Roosevelt

We - we need strength, we need energy, we need quickness and we need brain in this country to turn it around. - Donald Trump

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

Toward the north, from there shone Frederick, the North Star, around whom Germany, Europe, even the world seemed to turn. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. - Woody Allen

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller


Golf Prayer

Warmest Wishes for a Perfect Sunday

Walking The Dog

Bobslide Event

Holy Bagel

Happy Down Under Day

In Deep Water

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Lean Beer

Cow Skiing

Trail Closed

Toothpaste Holder

Sun Top Roof With Sun Substitute

Tiger Dog

No More Arguing

Multi-Pour Coffee Pot

Things Bottled Up

Cake Message

SnowCut

Depressing Situation

Dark Ages for Jews

Chinese BBQ

Starbucks Goes Extra Mile

Turbo Snail