#1 humor site on the 'net

Save A Tree

What a tree-mendous idea!

Save A Tree thanks to Bob Tasse

QuotaBills
Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

Relief: What trees do in the spring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A little axe can cut down a big tree. - Jamaican Saying

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

A whale stranded upon the coast of Europe. - Edmund Burke

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

Time spent amongst trees is never wasted time. - Katrina Mayer

It is very lonely sometimes, trying to play God. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees. - Henry David Thoreau

No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. - Christopher Morley

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. - Wayne Dyer

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. - Erma Bombeck

You're only lonely if you don't like the person you are alone with. - Wayne Dyer

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

The stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they're watching me. - Haruki Murakami

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' - Steven Wright

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

He that climbs the tall tree has won the right to the fruit; he that leaps the wide gulf should prevail in his suit. - Walter Scott

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath

Living in the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causes you to bump into people not going your way. - Edna Ferber

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


Dementia Purse

Hedge Race Car

Quebec Stop Sign

Perkatory

Bike Storage

Playground Child Eliminator

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Sidecar

Glass World - Where Plumbers Buy

Three Wise Women

Wrench Dinosaur

One More Drop

Idling Eric Idle

High Heel Diver

Rising To The Occasion

Annual Meeting of the Ontario Summer Tires Club

I See You

Get Off Your High Horse

Redneck Towing

Revenge of the Stallion

Rat Cut

Spot the Hidden Barred Owl

Smoking Hot Body

Billy the Eagle Owl