Reindeer Strike

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Unaccompanied: The orchestra is on strike - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

If I ever have to stop taking the subway, I'm gonna have a heart attack. - Edward Norton

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - G K Chesterton

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. - Lewis Grizzard

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. - Robert Breault

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffett

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenements halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. - Paul Simon

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I would solve a lot of literary problems just thinking about a character in the subway, where you can't do anything anyway. - Toni Morrison

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon