Reindeer Strike

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

If I ever have to stop taking the subway, I'm gonna have a heart attack. - Edward Norton

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - G K Chesterton

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. - Lewis Grizzard

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

At night they all come out of the subway and they're hooverin' around the corner. - Archie Bunker

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffet

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenements halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. - Paul Simon

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I would solve a lot of literary problems just thinking about a character in the subway, where you can't do anything anyway. - Toni Morrison

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon