QuotaBillsSanta's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker
Unaccompanied: The orchestra is on strike - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth
The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - G K Chesterton
There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. - Lewis Grizzard
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
At night they all come out of the subway and they're hooverin' around the corner. - Archie Bunker
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. - Robert Breault
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffett
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
I would solve a lot of literary problems just thinking about a character in the subway, where you can't do anything anyway. - Toni Morrison
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla
If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss
When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom
Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato
Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon