Redneck House Cleaning

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

Art is a house that tries to be haunted. - Emily Dickinson

In the ant's house, the dew is a flood. - Danish Proverb

Operatics: Bugs that live in an opera house - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz

I have put out my books and now my house has a soul. - Cicero

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

Census Taker: A man who goes from house to house increasing the population. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm. - Oscar Wilde

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

A gentleman should never leave the house without a sharp knife, a good watch, and great hat. - Unknown

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

Crafting fills my life, and my closets, and my drawers, and every empty tote bag in the house. - Unknown

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. - Plautus

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

Window Screen: 1. A device to prevent the escape of insects; 2. A device for keeping flies in the house. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare