Redneck House Cleaning

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

A road to a friend's house is never long. - Danish Proverb

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

I have so much hair, I have a separate wig closet in my house. - Sherri Shepherd

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees

Bricks may make a house, but the laughter of children makes a home. - Irish Proverb

Your own safety is at stake when your neighbor's house is in flames. - Horace

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm. - Oscar Wilde

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

Crafting fills my life, and my closets, and my drawers, and every empty tote bag in the house. - Unknown

Without my pets, my wallet would be full, my house would be clean, but my heart would be empty. - Unknown

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

At this late hour a wagon has been procured, and I have had it filled with plate and the most valuable portable articles, belonging to the house. - Dolly Madison

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon