Redneck House Cleaning

In the ant's house, the dew is a flood. - Danish Proverb

A house divided against itself cannot stand. - Abraham Lincoln

A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian Proverb

The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz

It is easier to demolish a house than to build one. - Irish proverb

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

Peace and a well-built house cannot be bought too dearly. - Danish Proverb

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung. - Colin Farrell

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. - Lou Holtz

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

Without my pets, my wallet would be full, my house would be clean, but my heart would be empty. - Unknown

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

In France we leave unmolested those who set fire to the house, and persecute those who sound the alarm. - Sebastien Chamfort

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion... I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut