QuotaBillsDidn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker
Yellow Pages: Inferior knight's assistants - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary. - Unknown
Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun. - Pablo Picasso
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown
Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke
For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright