#1 humor site on the 'net

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

What inattentive parents can expect at this gift shop

Gift Shop for Stray Kids thanks to Diane Baugh

QuotaBills
Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

A morning without coffee is like sleep. - Unknown

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent. - Anna Kendrick

Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I preferred sewing to bossing little children. - Martha Jones

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

What you teach your children, you also teach their children. - Unknown

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Children are one third of our population and all of our future. - Unknown

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us. - Stephen Colbert

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

Women should not have children after 35. Really? 35 children is enough. - Bill Murray

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

Children are paparazzi. They take your picture when you don't want them to. - Jamie Lee Curtis

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate. - Nancy Astor

I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps. - Jimmy Kimmel

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. But if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

Our society is walking through a maze of cultural land mines and the heaviest price is exacted as we send our children on ahead. - Ravi Zacharias

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Everything here is edible; even I'm edible. But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Johnny Depp


WatchCat

Disk Drive

Unemployed Politicians

Aye Matey

Redneck Calculator

Pocket Knots

Where Do The Amish Go For A Vacation?

Life Extension

4th Dimension Bookshelf

Water Value

Flexible Toothbrush

Redneck Dent Repair

Veterinarian or Taxidermist?

Same Sex Marriage in Canada

CardboardZilla

Indian Writing

Ancient Shiloh

1938 Cost Of Living

Black Olives Matter

Peckish

Awesome 'P' Door

Snake Shortener

Scientific Driving Test

Fire Engine