#1 humor site on the 'net

Cruise Nurse

Would you go on a cruise with this lovely nurse?

Cruise Nurse thanks to joe-kster

Watch out for guys with enemas on Halloween

QuotaBills
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Deliver: An organ in de body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Take a cruise down to the Virgin's Island. - Archie Bunker

My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley

It is much easier to take care of a sackful of fleas than a woman. - German Proverb

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

Take care of your costume and your confidence will take care of itself. - Amit Kalantri

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

I don't care how much money you have, free stuff is always a good thing. - Queen Latifah

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Logic takes care of itself; all we have to do is to look and see how it does it. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

The best leaders have a high consideration factor. They really care about their people. - Brian Tracy

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small,
Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

Ignorance is not so damnable as humbug, but when it prescribes pills it may happen to do more harm. - George Eilot

The core of true success is love. And that includes loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. - Zig Ziglar

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

The fact remains that most of us are anesthetized to the true cost and true value of long term care insurance. - Michael Burgess

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

If you absolutely can't stay positive, don't go negative, just cruise neutral for a while until you can get back up. - Terri Guillemets

The companies that work are the ones that people really care about and have a vision for the world, so do something you like. - Mark Zuckerberg

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

We spend money we don't have, on things we don't need, to make impressions that don't last, on people we don't care about. - Tim Jackson

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


Pirrows

Young Rock Star

Restored Beauty

Powerplant Swimsuit Models

Watermelon Cake

Sharkini

Julyed

Filet Minion

Better Singer

Texas Basketball

Grow Food, Not Lawns

Nut Salesman

Long Yellow Things

Ants Know When Something Is Fake

Think Outside

Despicable Wood Stove

Engineering Flowchart

Egotist

Hunter's Dream Wedding

Paddy Field Canal

Grow A Boyfriend

Mars Images

Drumset Motorcycle

Brick Shoes