#1 humor site on the 'net

Cruise Nurse

Would you go on a cruise with this lovely nurse?

Cruise Nurse thanks to joe-kster

Watch out for guys with enemas on Halloween

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Old and young, we are all on our last cruise. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile. - Lynda Barry

A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves. - Dale Carnegie

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me? - Groucho Marx

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

I don't care how much money you have, free stuff is always a good thing. - Queen Latifah

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown

The problem is that Americans care more about saving whales than saving males. - Warren Farrell

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

I am not worried about the deficit. It's big enough to take care of itself. - Ronald Reagan

Logic takes care of itself; all we have to do is to look and see how it does it. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on. - Robert Frost

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what - Unknown

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Seek opportunities to show you care. The smallest gestures often make the biggest difference. - John Wooden

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think. - C. JoyBell C.

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

The fact remains that most of us are anesthetized to the true cost and true value of long term care insurance. - Michael Burgess

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

We women know how to take care of everybody so well. But the one person we have written out of the equation is us. - Suze Orman

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

There is not greater reward in our profession than the knowledge that God has entrusted us with the physical care of his people. - Dr. Elmer Hess

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

Today will never come again. Be a blessing. Be a friend. Encourage someone. Take time to care. Let your words heal, and not wound. - Unknown

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik

All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien


Horse Model

Get In Line!

Coffee World

Horsing Around

Think Big

The Wurst Spiral I've Seen

Grass Leak

Dead Sea Fish

Jesus On The Beach

NASCAR Fan - Diehard Category

Moldy Bible

Break Dance Soccer

Milk of Amnesia

Foot-Ball

Exhausted Baby

Open Air Wiring

Miss Chernobyl 2004

Fish Lips

Easy Mopping

African Lunch

Structural Books

Honda Boxer Engine

Sick Tombstone

No Drip