Christmas Pencil Sharpener

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? - George Carlin

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept. - Ansel Adams

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Self-interest makes some people blind, and others sharp-sighted. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Tea should be as bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a two-edged sword. - Lemony Snicket

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

A bitter jest, when it comes too near the truth, leaves a sharp sting behind it. - Tacitus

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya

A gentleman should never leave the house without a sharp knife, a good watch, and great hat. - Unknown

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

I never hit a shot, not even in practice, without having a very sharp, in-focus picture of it in my head. - Jack Nicklaus

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

Map out your future - but do it in pencil. The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip. - Jon Bon Jovi

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead. - Robert Brault

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence. - Howard Eves

This was a very classy guy - in a sharp coat there, one of them velvet collars, and of of them pearl-gray hamburgers on his head (Homburg hat). - Archie Bunker