#1 humor site on the 'net

African Car Wash

Now this is a REAL car wash!

African Car Wash thanks to Bob Tasse

QuotaBills
Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Done the elephants, done the poverty. - Phil Tufnell

The elephant does not limp when walking on thorns. - African Proverb

Anything related to elephants is irrelephant. - Unknown

Elephino: Cross between an Elephant and a Rhinoceros - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

Before you eat the elephant, make sure you know what parts you want to eat. - Todd Stocker

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face. - Harry Hill

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one. - WC Fields

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. - Steven Wright

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

His wallet is more capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on. - Blackadder

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Always Full Glass

Teople Poo

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Thrilling Read

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Double Line Parking

New Audi

Romance Lost

Conversation Chair

Bird Person

Family Fun

Fence Sitter

Behind Curtain Number One

Canadian Moose Dog

Shear Dog

Latte Art

Hair Notes

Stair Choices

Ant Strength

You Can't Fix Stupid

Cautious Fireman

Carbon Dating

Pure Maple Syrup

Girls' Joy Ride