#1 humor site on the 'net

Texas Divorce

It's OK to give away the mobile home, but NOT the pickup!

Dear Billy Bob,
As you know, my divorce was final yesterday, and in the divorce settlement, she was awarded the double-wide mobile home and my pickup truck.

Can you believe it? I expected her to get the double-wide, but having to give her my truck was just more than I could bear.

I had no choice, so as per the court order, I delivered the truck to her before 2:00 PM today.

I’m sure gonna miss that truck. I had to get a picture of it before it was gone forever.

If you need to get hold of me, I’ll be staying with my folks until I can find me a place.

Take care,
Bubba
Texas Divorce thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Divorce: fission after fusion. - Rita Mae Brown

Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman

The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal

Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black. - Henry G Bohn

The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus

Pre-Law: The major of a person who will end up in sales - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Law of Inflation: Whatever goes up will go up some more. - Kin Hubbard

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde

Laws, like spider webs, catch flies and let hawks go free. - Spanish Proverb

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end. - Arthur Baer

It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell

I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce

Lawyers are like beavers. They get in the mainstream and dam it up. - John Naisbitt

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. - Mark Twain

Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical. - Blaise Pascal

All the honesty in the world ain't legal tender for a loaf of bread. - Josh Billings

He who will always be his own lawyer will often have a fool for a client. - J Hunter

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

Washington, D.C.: Where the criminals cover their crimes by making them legal. - Frank Dane

True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams

Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. - Homer Simpson

Zymurgy’s Law of Volunteer Labour: People are always available for work in the past tense - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra

Beware of lawyers and consultants and people who do not take risks and who do not get their hands dirty. - Felix G Rohatyn

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. - Will Rogers

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato

Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

When you say justice, it doesn't have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. - Kanye West

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult

Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia

When the monetary damages are smaller, lawyers will find themselves less zealous in their pursuit of what they call justice. - Dean O'Hare

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

Men became scientific because they expected law in nature and they expected law in nature because they believed in a lawgiver. - Ravi Zacharias

Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. - Daniel Webster

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein


Snowmen Protest

Winter Traffic Lights

Inline Motorcycle Skates

2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Great White

Turnip Party

Newfie Cab Driver - Can You Guess His Number?

Identity Theft

Nothing Can Stop Me Now

Colsed School

Google Snowball

Bike Barrow

Can You Find the Hidden Bird?

Snowpy

Canadian Winter Smile

Leteracy Night

Age Comes With Convenience

Wife Of The Year

GhetToes

Flippin'

Double Vision

Dodgy Ticker

Put On A Happy Face

Yoga Man