#1 humor site on the 'net

Spiderman's Car

eed to climb tall buildings?

Spiderman's Car thanks to Jutta Liesenfeld

QuotaBills
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship. - William Blake

If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Laws, like spider webs, catch flies and let hawks go free. - Spanish Proverb

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

I'm not afraid of spiders; I've had worse in my bed. - Donna Lynn Hope

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Written laws are like spider's webs; they will catch the weak and poor, but would be torn in pieces by the rich and powerful. - Anacharsis

Can't figure women. Sometimes they're afraid of a spider, other times they're not afraid to stand right up to the devil. - Donal Harding

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


Sidewalk Malt Melt

Redneck Post Support

Indiana Jeans

First Performance

Puzzle Makers

Fishing Dog

Twins' First Piano Lesson

Black Sheep Friday

Black Friday Scam

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Aussie Gazpacho

Too Much Turkey

Best Friend Theft

Baconurkey

Biggest Turkeys

Turkey Day Selfie

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Grandma's Beautiful Pies

Going Cold Turkey

Run, Turkey, Run

Carving The Turkey

Thanksgiving Harvest Time

Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork

Nintendo Motor