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Too clever is dumb. - Ogden Nash

Fjord: Norwegian car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. - Terry Bradshaw

I can't brain today. I have the dumb. - Unknown

The buffalo is a surprisingly stupid animal. - Ellsworth Huntington

It is easy to be heavy; it is hard to be light. - G K Chesterton

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. - Voltaire

You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown

There are lessons to be learned from a stupid man. - Horace

I pay very heavy semi-annual premiums 4 times a year. - Archie Bunker

Dropped the heavy lid of the terlet right on my instoop. - Archie Bunker

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. - George Bernard Shaw

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You think I just drove in from Long Island on a load of turnips? - Archie Bunker

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education. - Bertrand Russell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates. - Alan Ayckbourn

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

In a democracy the majority has every right to act as stupid as the minority. - Frank Dane

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person. - Chanakya

You'll never lighten the load until you feel the pressure in your own soul. - Ravi Zacharias

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it, sometimes three. - Alexandre Dumas

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to. - Louis C.K.

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice. - Bill Cosby

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. - Voltaire

No man is so wise that he knows everything, nor is any man so stupid he knows nothing. - Amish Saying

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you already knew. - Unknown

You'll never have any mental muscle if you don't have any heavy stuff to pick up. - Diane Lane

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There's a dead bird." He looked up. - Phyllis Diller

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

Ghosts have a way of misleading you; they can make your thoughts as heavy as branches after a storm. - Rebecca Maizel

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

I do know what my first meal in the next world would be: Spaghetti Aglio e Olio, heavy on everything. - Rachael Ray

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public. - Douglas Coupland

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side. - Joseph Addison

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget. - Thomas Szasz

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I don't weigh myself because most scales don't know how heavy all the grudges I'm holding onto are. - Unknown

They should have little disclaimer that says, "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!" - Robin Williams

A juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on. - Ronnie Corbett

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady, and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. - P.J. O'Rourke

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering, stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. - Dylan Moran

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright