Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room. - Ilona Andrews

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts. - Roberta Flack