Help Me Before It's Too Late!

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Today couples live together until they learn to detest one another. Then they get married. - G K Chesterton

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who make you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. - Joanne Woodward

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx