Help Me Before It's Too Late!

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

Grace: nutrient in the marriage garden - Phil Callaway

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. - St. Augustine

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't they'd be married too. - H L Mencken

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

I'm taking memory power boost tablets to help me every day and doing the puzzles to help me stay focused. - Terry Bradshaw

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

I used to ask God to help me. Then I asked if I might help Him. I ended up by asking Him to do his work through me. - J Hudson Taylor

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner