#1 humor site on the 'net

Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Best Man's last prank on the Groom

Help Me Before It's Too Late! thanks to Pierre Belleau, Quebec

QuotaBills
Ultimate: The last person you marry - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

Call no man unhappy until he is married. - Socrates

Cantaloupe: Got to get married in Church - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

Bachelors: Married men may have better halves, but bachelors have better quarters - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Today couples live together until they learn to detest one another. Then they get married. - G K Chesterton

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

I'm taking memory power boost tablets to help me every day and doing the puzzles to help me stay focused. - Terry Bradshaw

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are. - Will Ferrell

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland


Elephant Hand

Venice on a Shoestring Budget

New Truck Key

Spiderman's Car

Knife Throwing Act

Another Day In Traffic

Australian Cyclist

Garden Gnome

Mute Button

Pardon My French

Irish Pothole

Yoga Pants

Baby Illusion

Mother Wrench's Gripping Story

Sechelt Sunrays

Russian BiteLifter

Propane Diving

Scuba Diving Sucks

Louisiana Turtle Dogs

Special Offer

Parking Squeeze

Music Note Chairlift

Gangsta

Reformed Buddhists