Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Knewlyweds: Second marriage for both - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. - St. Augustine

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room. - Ilona Andrews

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx