#1 humor site on the 'net

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet for Woman

Which element reacts well to gold, platinum and precious stones?

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet for Woman thanks to Don Delcourt

QuotaBills
What do women want? - Sigmund Freud

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Man has his will, but woman has her way. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

Man has his will, but woman has her way. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr

Tis brief, my lord... as woman's love. - William Shakespeare

He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender. - Auto repair shop

A man thinks he knows, but a woman knows better. - Indian Proverb

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic. - Rosalind Russell

America is a land where men govern, but women rule. - John M Brown

I am a strong woman because a strong woman raised me. - Unknown

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman. - Jack Nicholson

A great city is that which has the greatest men and women. - Walt Whitman

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes. - Robin Williams

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain

I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist. - Sally Kempton

Amazing women don't have hot flashes. We have power surges. - Unknown

There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise. - Unknown

A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman who lacks an eye. - Jean A Brillat-Savarin

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Women with pasts interest men. They hope history will repeat itself. - Mae West

Love is what happens to men and women who don’t know each other. - W Somerset Maugham

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Unknown

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

Between man and woman there is little difference, but vive la difference. - French Proverb

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse. - Laurence Sterne

I want to be a millionaire not for the money but for the woman I will become. - Jaime Tardy

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on. - Oscar Wilde

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

The Book of Life begins with a man and woman in a garden, and it ends with Revelations. - Oscar Wilde

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

The most terrifying thing any woman can say to me is, 'Notice anything different?' - Mike Vanatta

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

I believe in loyalty: I think when a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick to it. - Eva Gabor

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't they'd be married too. - H L Mencken

First women subtract from their age, then they divide it, and then they extract its square root. - Unknown

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

After all, inside every woman, no matter how grown up she is, there is still a frightened little girl. - Sergei Lukyanenko

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. - Tara Reid

I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything. - Oscar Wilde

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

Men prefer brief praise, pitched high; women are satisfied with praise in a lower key, just so it goes on and on - Mignon McLaughlin

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

I like the West. That's where men are men and women are women, and it's hard to beat a combination like that. - Milton Berle

I'm always worried when a woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna scream and run out of the park. - Gary Delaney

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

Now I lay facedown on the bed, sobbing for the woman who once slept here not knowing that someday one of her worst fears would come true. - Jennifer Castle

I love writing for women. The willingness to go from laughter to tears in a moment is the greatest palette you can paint with as a writer. - Michael P King

Feminism isn't about making women stronger. Women are already strong. It's about changing the way the world perceives that strength. - G.D. Anderson

I believe there's an Almighty, and I believe the Almighty's great gift to each man and woman in this world is the desire to be free. - George W Bush

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson


Someone Is Upset

Turkey Popcorn Dressing

Redneck Outhouse Throne

I'll Be Right There

How Not To Prop Start Your Plane

Young Superman

When Not To Stop Too Fast

Bustache

CheckMate

Plane Oops!

Sand Dive

Manitoba Home Security System

WinDoor

Bungee Cord Suspenders

Mirror Solution

Beerbulance

Handicap Motorcyclist

Filling Up Is OverRated

Coin Stacking

I Miss Being A Tree

Stoned In The Garden

Looking For Something?

LadyNet

Louvre Paintings