#1 humor site on the 'net

Burning The Midnight Oil With A Candlestick

Hourglass Candlestick - a sleeper's dream come true

Burning The Midnight Oil With A Candlestick thanks to Bob Tasse

When you need no-fart sleep protection

QuotaBills
Stop and smell the roses. - Phoebe Moll

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

I actually get quite sad when I smell bacon. - Jane Velez-Mitchell

Epochodor: The smell of history found at museums - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Perfume: Any smell that is used to drown a worse one. - Elbert Hubbard

Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it. - Rudyard Kipling

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. - Robert Byrne

After you cut off a person's nose there is no point in giving him a rose to smell. - Ravi Zacharias

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet. - William Shakespeare

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

In France we leave unmolested those who set fire to the house, and persecute those who sound the alarm. - Sebastien Chamfort

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. - H L Mencken

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. - Penn Jillette

Real angels don't have gossamer white robes and cherubic skin. They have calloused hands and smell of the days' sweat. - Richard Evans

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha


Pocket Change

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Welcome to Texas, USPS

Not Without A Washer

Jogger's Weight Scale

Toilet Snake

Eye Testing In Progress

Parent Signature

Long Bore Gun

Bird Cam

Lost Wormhole

Where Weir'd Frogmen Jump In

Low Ceiling Workout

Dog Diner

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Cow Farts

Revenge

Gaping Hole Costume

Redneck Water Skiing

Harrison Ford

Plenty of Room for God's Creatures

Aussie Selfie

Pyramid Kiss

Piano Door Bell