Burning The Midnight Oil With A Candlestick

Each day has a color, a smell. - Chitra B. Divakaruni

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll

Even the candle seller dies in the dark. - Colombian Proverb

The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome. - Unknown

I love the smell of rain and growing things. - Serina Hernandez

I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell. - Alec Yuill-Thornton

He has diarrhoea of words and a constipation of ideas. - Unknown

I bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like. - Bill Murray

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle. - Orlando A Battista

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. - Margaret Atwood

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. - Unknown

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I don't have an alarm clock. If someone needs to wake me up, then I have my BlackBerry next to me. - Mark Zuckerberg

Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In France we leave unmolested those who set fire to the house, and persecute those who sound the alarm. - Sebastien Chamfort

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. - H L Mencken

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi