#1 humor site on the 'net

Burning The Midnight Oil With A Candlestick

Hourglass Candlestick - a sleeper's dream come true

Burning The Midnight Oil With A Candlestick thanks to Bob Tasse

When you need no-fart sleep protection

QuotaBills
Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Thank heavens it hath no smell. - George F. Handel

His impromptus smell of the lamp. - Pytheas

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. - Apocalypse Now

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

I love the smell of rain and growing things. - Serina Hernandez

I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell. - Alec Yuill-Thornton

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Flour: A word by any other name would smell as wheat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle. - Orlando A Battista

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. - Margaret Atwood

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it. - Rudyard Kipling

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. - Robert Byrne

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare

After you cut off a person's nose there is no point in giving him a rose to smell. - Ravi Zacharias

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. - Unknown

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

Real angels don't have gossamer white robes and cherubic skin. They have calloused hands and smell of the days' sweat. - Richard Evans

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha


Elephant Bus

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop

Snail Trail

Anger Release Machine

Pun-e Signs

Wake Me At Noon

Pringle Art

Lodge Welcome

Holstein or Holestein?

Dead Poirot

Restroom Fragrance

Word Puzzle Clock

Scenic Western Pennsylvania

Free Nobel Peace Prize

Teach Our Children Well

Stair Substitute

Solar System Watch