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A Man Named Fred
So many degrees and so few last names
Does this Dingaling ring a bell?
A cop stops a motorcyclist for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. So he asks the man his name.
“Fred,” he replies.
“Fred what?” the officer asks.
“Just Fred,” the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
The man replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me.”
“I was born Fred Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a Doctor! I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.”
“After a while I got bored being a Doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.”
“Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing...
“Fred,” he replies.
“Fred what?” the officer asks.
“Just Fred,” the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
The man replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me.”
“I was born Fred Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a Doctor! I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.”
“After a while I got bored being a Doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.”
“Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing...
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Silence: What gets broken when you say its name - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much. - Evan Esar
Traffic Ticket: Finale of the policeman's bawl - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
I greet you in the name of peace, democracy, and freedom. - Nelson Mandela
All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. - Andre Breton
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Police Station: A place where sleeping is all right in a pinch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi. - Humphrey Bogart
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. - Mark Twain
The name of a man is a numbing blow from which he never recovers. - Marshall McLuhan
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you. - Leo Tolstoy
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles
A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt
A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin
If I could remember the names of all these particles I'd be a botanist. - Enrico Fermi
College Education: A four-year plan for confusing a young mind methodically. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright
The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Ticket Scalper: A man who enables you to see one football game for the price of five - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
To trust agents, hyperlinks are the twenty-first-century equivalent of the name-dropper. - Chris Brogan
The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett
All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen
University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Forgiving and being forgiven are two names for the same thing. The important thing is that a discord has been resolved. - C S Lewis
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
Silence: What gets broken when you say its name - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much. - Evan Esar
Traffic Ticket: Finale of the policeman's bawl - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
I greet you in the name of peace, democracy, and freedom. - Nelson Mandela
All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. - Andre Breton
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Police Station: A place where sleeping is all right in a pinch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi. - Humphrey Bogart
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. - Mark Twain
The name of a man is a numbing blow from which he never recovers. - Marshall McLuhan
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you. - Leo Tolstoy
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles
A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt
A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin
If I could remember the names of all these particles I'd be a botanist. - Enrico Fermi
College Education: A four-year plan for confusing a young mind methodically. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright
The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Ticket Scalper: A man who enables you to see one football game for the price of five - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
To trust agents, hyperlinks are the twenty-first-century equivalent of the name-dropper. - Chris Brogan
The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett
All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen
University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Forgiving and being forgiven are two names for the same thing. The important thing is that a discord has been resolved. - C S Lewis
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
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